Washington (LibNews Service) -- Attorney General Eric Holder and President Barack Obama came out today, in the face of dropping poll numbers, as libertarian anarchists, calling for non-enforcement of and civil disobediance of all unconstituional laws, even if Congress of the Court have not addressed the issues of Constitutionality. It is thought that this new radical Obama doctrine was an attempt to appeal to the Tea Party movement and recent discussions of 10th Amendment rights and nullification. Violence erupted immediately.
At 1:01 pm a group of armed Code Pink activists liberated Bradley Manning from Quantico, in an shoot out with Quantico agents. By 2:30 pm, the Social Security administation building at 22nd and M Streets NW had been bombed, after hackers obliterated all social security numbers from federal databases everywhere. By 3:20 pm the Internal Revenue Service building on Pennsylvania Avenue was set aflame, and vigilantes were lassoing fleeing IRS agents and hanging them from lamp posts along the national Mall between the Washington Monument and the U.S. Capitol. At 4:15 an angry mob seized former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi as she exited a limousine outside her luxury condo at Washington Harbour at 3030 K Street NW, binding her wrists and ankles and tossing her into the Potomac. The Speaker's various cosmetic augmentations both floated and sank, ripping her body to shreds and providing chum for a swarm of local fish. Some plastic bits were retrieved by U.S. Park police in conjunction with agents from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, before the same mob set their boats on fire.
As we go to press a group of homeless have climbed the fence at the White House and claimed it as squatters, setting up an outdoor barbecue pit where they are reportedly roasting vegetables from Michelle Obama's winter garden. The whereabouts of Sasha, Malika, and the First Lady are unknown at this time.
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